billy-pilgrims:

[writes paper] this doesnt make any sense [prints it] [doesn’t proofread] [hands it in for a grade]

fukkkres:


u lucky he holdin me back bitch 

queerlyobscure:

Y’know people say shit about social media along the lines of ‘OMG no one cares what anyone had for breakfast’ and like.

I do? I care. I’m pretty sure a lot of people care. I want to hear that the people I care about are having delicious breakfasts or saw something odd at work or flirted with a cute barista. Or just any little thoughts they have that they feel are worth sharing.

I’ve always kind of assumed that’s how you’re supposed to feel about your friends.

officialfrenchtoast:

It’s a metaphor, see: you hold a pen with your homework in front of you, but you don’t do it, you don’t give it the power to do its killing

armadillo:

its kinda scary how your whole life depends on how well you do as a teenager 

Don’t let anyone tell you this. You can chose to change your life for the better at any point in time!

gnate1:

I am convinced that this snake is happily humming as he scampers across this lawn.
“hm hm hm hm hmmm, what a beautiful day today! I think I’ll swallow a chimpanzee!”

turkey-imported-from-maine:

firelorcl:

meladoodle:

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

colourfulpantsandarainbowhat:

WHY DO PEOPLE CALL IT FUCK, MARRY, KILL WHEN THEY COULD CALL IT BED, WED, BEHEAD

aslimshadylady:

yet another unrealistic standard for women
manilovestarwars:

The human face on this thing is MUCH scarier than the reptilian one
lislutta:

literally same
whatisgoingonpleasehelp:

taffytits:

so satisfying 

-100 points for having adware. run ccleaner or somethgin god dangit

i refuse fuck you